It's Saturday night, and you and your friends have gotten together for a fondue party. Your one Black friend, Curtis, was quite talkative and energetic before the fondue was ready. Afterward, however, while you were all about to settle down for a game of Apples to Apples, Curtis was on the couch knocked out, looking something like image #1. Though this is certainly nothing new with Curtis, you are still perplexed, at which point you all ask (quietly, so you don't wake him up):
Why do Black people always fall asleep after eating?
Curtis, like all us Black folk, suffers from a condition as debilitating as it is widespread. That condition is known simply as the itis. The itis (a.k.a. "ethnic fatigue") is worse than sickle cell anemia; studies have shown that it affects 100% of all persons of African descent. The condition is onset at birth and remains throughout one's lifetime, affecting both the young (image 2) and the old (image 3).
But what exactly is the itis, you ask? Urban Dictionary defines the itis as:
"The drowsy sleepy feeling you get after eating a large meal. Usual meals like big Sunday dinners, Thanksgiving and Christmas meals."
Why do all Black people eventually succumb to the itis? It's simple: nearly everything we eat is of a high fat content. Have you ever eaten at a Black person's house? We cook our greens with ham hocks for Christ sake (Who steams vegetables? That's crazy talk.), and use butter and salt on everything else. Every Black family has a can of Crisco in their kitchen somewhere, even if it's just for aesthetics.
The itis can be onset by even more extreme foods. I introduce to you: The Luther (image #4). The Luther is a burger, and it's essential ingredients are:
- hamburger patty
- cheese
- lots of bacon
- 2 Krispy Kreme donuts serving as the bun
That's right, two Krispy Kreme donuts. I bet your just your arteries clogged just reading that didn't they?
So the next time your Black friend/co-worker falls asleep after breakfast, lunch, or dinner, remember, there's nothing he can do about it, he's afflicted by a terrible, terrible disease and should not be ridiculed/fired for doing so.
